WOOL WORTH

On a hot day you might split in half
From the strength of your very own laugh
When a guy in flip flops
And two sheer, thin, cropped tops
Is adorned with a large, wooly scarf

THE MILK MAN

The cool vibe that a boy named Britt
Seemed to, from his slouched posture, emit
Was the bonus quite great
Since proclaiming milk crates
As the only thing on which he'd sit

TROUSER KAISER

His chinos were starting to chafe

So this young hipster lad we’ll call Ralph

Thought, "the time has now come

To wear our pants undone",

So that trend he did promptly vouchsafe

'MO-DAL FINGERPRINTING

A wannabe rock-fusion singer

Tattooed a mustache on her finger

Now this hipness ho

Proudly holds up her "mo"

When she butchers The Cranberries’ Linger

HOT HEADED

It’s thirty degrees in the shade

But this young lad will not be swayed

To take off his wool beanie

That is far from teeny,

For he’s certain it will get him laid

CAMERA OBSCURE-A

Lamenting the polaroid dearth

(Like all hipsters walking this earth)

The lass at Photo Store

Sees a toy to adore,

Thus ironic disposables' birth

THERE'S SOMETHING FISHY GOING ON

A lass hopes that all her "friends" look

At the food pics she puts on facebook

But each “home-made dish”

Like her “Soufflé of Fish”,

Are really scans from “Learn to Cook”

IT'S IN THE BAG

The brown paper bag this guy’s holdin’

Is thought to hold liquid that’s golden

But it’s warm 7-Up,

Not beer, that's covered up

And makes the look to which he’s beholden

GYM CRUMMY

If you want an image that’s grim,

Think of hipster lads down at the gym:

They wear mauve high-top sneakers,

Sweat a tenth of a liter,

And just adjust their cycling cap’s brim

CHIPS AHOY

In an ironic varsity jacket

(His initials stitched on it in brackets),

A lad sat on a bench

And removed with a clench

Seaweed chips from a brown paper packet

BIG BUNS

A lass had a craving for meat n’

Some bread but she felt rather beaten

When her high-waisted shorts

Weren't her loving consorts

Post the large Williams-burger she’d eaten

DYEING TO BE COOL

A lass was dip-dyeing her hair

To look like she just didn’t care.

She slipped as she reached

For the bottle of bleach

And fell right on her derrière

IN JEANIUS

This hipster lad left the house dressed

In his best acid-washed denim vest:

Walking down a hip street

In the high-degree heat,

He just melted right in with the rest

SNOW LEOPARD (version 7.HO)

Were Snow White a hipster today

She'd let no witch get in her way,

Coz she’d have an app

To tell good stuff from crap:

"Plus, I've got my own Apple, ok?"

UNDER COVER GLOVER LOVER

While channeling young Danny Glover,

From under his hoodie’s pink cover,

A lad fails to spot

His lass among the lot

Of girls all dressed just like each other

HIPSTERMATIC

Attempting to be less erratic,

"Guy" arranged in ways systematic

The self-portraits he took

For his private look book,

And entitled the oeuvre Hipstermatic

DOG DAYS

While drinking a soy, decaf latte
And mingling at a launch party
This lad got upset
When a man he'd just met
Like him, had a greyhound named Marty

IN THE COOL RUNNINGS

A hipster by the name of Jo
Thought he'd live like an Eskimo..
This poor little fool
Thought he'd be the most "cool"
If he spent all his time in the snow

OK CUTLERY

A young lass from northern New York
Made anklets out of vintage forks
But her grandest desire
Was to somehow inspire
A song from her idol Thom Yorke

UNDER(W)HAIR

A French lass thought it would be hot

To use a pair of her culottes

To tie up her hair:

She got many a stare

For getting her knickers in a (top) knot

A FINE VINTAGE

In her backpack of fine woven hemp

(Which was pulling down her hair unkempt)

The bottle of Bordeaux

Matched her vintage hair bow

So darn well that she felt all verklempt

HUMMER TIME

In a fluo pink, low-v-neck tee

And driving his parents’ humvee

Humming tunes from Grooveshark,

A lad tries to park

Near the best shop that sells rosehip tea

BRUTE FRUITY

While listening to B-sides of Weezer

And reading aloud Julius Caesar

This lass got a sweet tooth

And took out, forsooth,

Home-made peach gelato from her freezer

THE HIPSTERMINATOR

While preening his brogues with a sponge

A lad thought he'd like to expunge

Those whose puerile adherence

To a dirty appearance

Makes them stuck in the passé style, “grunge”

PUFF PASTRY

A lad was lining up a rack

Of numerous pipes filled with crack

He was offered some doughnuts

And felt it his onus

To reply “Sugar?!? Man, that shit’s whack!”

FILM ACHING

While kicking off her white Vans sneakers

A lass explained that Kusturica

Was the only auteur

Who ever "spoke" to her

And that Jarmusch was just a thrill-seeker

FEELING EN-TIGHT-LED

At “No Lights, No Lycra” one night

A guy thought he'd put up a fight:

He donned some glow sticks,

Threw a torch in the mix

And then snapped the waistband of his tights

WEDDING DRESS

A husband-to-be began begging

His fiancée before their wedding:

The pants that she wore

Caused the groom to implore,

“Today, please do not wear those jeggings!”

WHAT A PIT(H)Y

At the launch of a spoken word show

Of an artist that “you wouldn’t know”

A lad blocks the view

For the audience’s few

By wearing his hat in the front row

BIG MISSED STEAK

As he cooked Jamie Oliver^TM tucker,

Occasionally shouting out “pukka!”,

A lad was not amused

When his girlfriend slash muse

With a serious face asked, “what’s dukkah?”

CLOTHES ENCOUNTERS

Jetson, whose real name was Darryl,

Was leaning against a wine barrel.

When a gal turned his head,

He leaned in and said,

“I'm wearing American Apparel”